Am I a Hippocrate?

So here I am trying to convince everyone (myself) that dying is a fact of life and should be accepted as such, but we all know that dying is our BIGGEST fear…even worse, having one of our children die.  If you think about it, death is constantly around us.  We see it. We hear about it.  We fear it..not just our own deaths, but the deaths of our children, our loved ones.

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I remember the beginning of one of my Mom’s chapters, the chapter she began after the death of her Mother.  I remember the dynamics of the entire family changing on that day.  My Mother hasn’t been the same since, and neither has anyone in the family.  And now I’m in her shoes, watching my parents age and I am desperate for everything to stay the same  as it was for my Mom before my Grandma died.  So, while I sit here with worry about what is to come…and other things that could possibly happen, I ponder, “am I a Hippocrate?”

I have dedicated my life to improve end of life ‘stories’, but in reality I am terrified of it…for myself and everyone in my life that I love.  I see people day in and day out faced with death and can’t imagine what feelings are consuming them. I try to put myself in their shoes and hope that I can someday accept fate so I can live my life without the worry that age is going to consume me, make me ugly, dependent, and sorrowful. So maybe my calling is more of a search to put ease in my mind about what is to come….

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